


"Courage, dear heart"

by evelitan



Category: supercorp - Fandom
Genre: Angst! kind of i think, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 19:44:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12711690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelitan/pseuds/evelitan
Summary: Because I don't think we ever forget our first love and because i also know that "first" doesn't also necessarily mean "last".Lena Luthor is invited to an event and she never thought that it will lead to the way that night ended.





	"Courage, dear heart"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This may be a bit ansty and even though I'm not a big fan of the show I do like the idea of Supergirl. And I wrote this from my phone (and also posted it from it) so I'm really sorry for any and all grammar errors. Oh and Helena's physical appearance is close to the canon in everything, but the eyes (i think). I hope you like it. I don't mean any offense to all Helena fans.
> 
> P.S the quote is from C.S Lewis, but it's also one of my favorites.

_Courage, dear heart..._

It's been hours already. Or maybe just minutes? Truth be told Lena just wasn't sure anymore, she wasn't sure what to think, what to feel... she just stared at that quote written on blank sheet of paper in front of her.  
It had become a ritual she had. Each January she'd let herself feel as low and as high as she could ever feel and wrote down twelve sheets for specific moments during the year. One was titled "For when you feel happiest", another was "For when you need a little push" and there were a few others neatly tucked away in the private safe in her penthouse. The envelope that was currently opened with almost surgical precision was titled "For when you're sad and broken".  
Truth be told, Lena almost never opened the "happiest" letter. She had started writing these little messages to herself when she graduated from University and decided to change the direction her family company was heading in. The disastrous, murderous, despicable direction Lex had been pushing it into.

  
Turning back to the present though, Lena was seating on the balcony of her apartment holding a glass with amber liquid swirling around and looking in the flickering city lights from above.  
"Courage, dear heart" played again and again in her mind. How was she supposed to have courage to move on after what she learnt today.  
Exactly today, was the first, last and probably the only day she was glad to be a Luthor, trained to hide her emotions since she first stepped into Lionel's house. Trained to wear a mask of politeness as a second skin, but always having a badass attitude towards everyone that opposed her. She could ruin her enemies with only one phone call, the youngest Luthor could build the latest ecological engine anyone could ever imagine, she could make the earth itself tremble, but she couldn't stop her heart from breaking again.  
It had been years since the last time Lena felt that way, she had pushed those feelings away, buried them so deep that she thought they were never there in the first place... oh how wrong she was.  
History was repeating, when last week Kara called her, her "sister".  
Being raised with minimal physical contact from her so called family, Lena never expected to find herself in this situation. Helena Bertinelli was five years older than her, but they had one class together. Bioengineering and Ethics behind it. While Lena never understood the moral sentiments of most stuff, she knew the theory by heart and her mind tricked others with the right words said at the right moments to make her seem as human as all of them. She was an actor on the stage of life and until that moment, nothing could have stopped her. Helena Bertinelli however, was the thing she didn't expect. And when once the feelings that were there only _de facto_ started manifesting _de iure_ also, Lena realized she was in big trouble. Helena accepted her for herself, not caring about her last name, she took her "under her wing" every time the others would call her stuff because of the famous Luthor. Helena guided her with the emotions she didn't know how to handle and taught her how to be a grown up, apart from a genius protégée.

  
Going to parties with Helena, Lena learnt how to dance and seduce and not be that awkward kid most people laughed at. Lena admired her and slowly but surely fell in love with her.  
Holding each other's hand while walking around, sleeping together and cuddling, kissing whenever they'd go out, flirting with guys and only using them for the glamour of it... Helena was smart and beautiful and little by little Lena became more and more like her. Until one night the student surpassed the teacher and the morning after that they woke up together, naked and with countless scratch marks on each of them.  
It was clear what gad happened, but neither wanted to talk about it. They just got up, showered and continued with their day like usual, until it was time for dinner and Lena was awfully quiet.  
Before the spaghetti were done, they tried to finish the project they had for next week.  
"What's wrong little one? You've been really quiet today?"  
"I'm not little Hel." - Lena said slightly angrier than she meant it.  
"Lena you're seven years younger than me, you're still a baby."  
"Honey, you're shaking. What's wrong?" - Helena pushed again.  
"I like you." - Lena said, slowly, but surely with her eyes looking down, she looked like a kid who had just broken a plate and Helena quickly went to her side and hugged her, kissing her forehead and rocking her gently.  
"I like you too, you know that." - Helena said quietly and for a second she felt Lena's heart flutter, before the look of joy on her face went away as quickly as it came.  
"No, I mean I really like you." - Lena tried again.  
"And I really like you too, you baby." - Helena said laughingly, not suspecting how hurt her friend was.  
"Not like that Hel. I mean I love you. Like  
Love, love you. I like you how Jack likes me!"  
And just now Helen's mind registered the meaning of her words.  
"Wha... wait. Who likes me?"  
"I..."  
"And you like..."  
"You!"  
... A rather uncomfortable silence fell in the room. It was a tense moment and not a trace was left from the hug from before. Lena's eyes were filled to the brim with tears and Helena only blinked with her eyes while trying to figure out how to speak.  
"Lena, I think your affections are just misplaced admiration, darling. You are still so young and..."  
"I... um... you don't have to... I have to go, yes I umm should go..." - Lena stammered and quickly took the books she could see around her and pushed them quickly into her backpack. Trying to ran away from Helena's apartment as fast as possible. She was hurt of course, embarrassed even, but she was also furious! How could Helena think couldn't identify her own emotions?! She was twenty years old, she was a lot of things, but dumb was never one of them.  
"Lena, you don't have to go. I'll always be your friend, it's just ..." - Helena tried when her friend reached the front door to her apartment.  
"Forget it, Hel. Seriously, just... forget it. I'll see you Monday in class." - Lena's voice were shaking and a tear felt down her cheek when she closed the door behind her and quickly began walking back to her own apartment.  
They didn't talk at all during the whole weekend. Come Monday, everything seemed as great as ever. The awkwardness from the other day was gone and they managed to get the top grade with their presentation from the whole class. Everyone clapped and cheered for them, even the professor himself and once the class was done Lena felt the urgent need to get away from Helena. As fast as she could.

  
Time passed, the tears separated them and yes, their friendship changed. They grew apart, but still fondly followed the other's career achievements and life and one sunny morning Lena received an invitation for a wedding.

  
Watching Helena get married was a true test from hell. She would've preferred to fight Cerberus himself than to attend to that wedding, but still she put her best suit on, her favorite ruby earring and high heels and went to that wedding. Smiling all the while hugging her friend and telling her how happy she was, feeling her heart break with every second that passed.

  
2 am and Lena was already making her way to the parking lot, she had politely excused herself from the wedding and was more than ready to go back to National city and forget all that ever happened.  
"Lena..." - A voice too familiar sounded in her ears and she cursed the flutter she felt in her stomach.  
"Leaving so early?" - Helena asked, obviously feeling a little sad.  
"Yes, I have early work tomorrow. It was a wonderful ceremony Hel. You looked heartbreaking today." - Lena offered with a warm and sincere smile.  
"I have missed you so much Lena and I'm so happy you came today. To ne honest, I wasn't sure you'd come." - She said gently.  
"I will always come."  
There, in the lone parking lot surrounded by cars and the slight vibration from the music from the tent fifty meters away, two friends reconnected. Two friends that were more than friends, but less than lovers, more than sisters, but not exactly soulmates either. All those years that has passed between them and they still cared for one another and love each other, one way or another, neither was sure anymore.  
The silence between them grew again and Lena tried to make her exit again.  
"Well... I should go."  
"There's something I have to tell you... Can we meat up next week and talk? I really miss you."  
"I have an important merger next moth, Hel. I'm not sure I can meet up before that and then I'd have to reorganize some stuff around the companies so..."  
"I slept with Jack." - Helena blurred and for a moment Lena thought her ears were playing tricks on her.  
"You... what?" - Lena asked seriously, with a voice so cold Helena even shivered a little. From Helena's silence she knew that she had in fact heard right and it was not a trick of her brain or ears.  
Lena was divided in two, part of her was indifferent to that new information, but another part of her, the bigger one, was furious. She felt betrayed, hurt... she had trusted her, she had trusted Jack...  
"Back in university. You always talked about how nice he was with you and..."  
"And you slept with him." - Lena interrupted her friend with a matter-of-factly voice.  
Helena saw Lena take two steps towards her and braced herself for a push, a slap, an insult even, but nothing came... Lena had stopped in her tracks and shaking her head, laughing from all the pain, she only managed to say " I can't do this" and ran back to her car. Helena couldn't deal with the guilt anymore and Lena couldn't find the words to tell her that she had started dating Jack only because she couldn't date Helena and all her praising of him was because she wanted to seem more normal, like her friend.  
Driving like crazy to go back to National city, wanting desperately to be back at her apartment, Lena grabbed her phone and simply texted "can you come by? Please".  
And so, here she was, sitting on the balcony with a glass of Irish whiskey in one hand and a piece of paper in the other, watching over the city. Protecting it from the shadows.

  
Thirty minutes later a shy knock came from the door of her penthouse, but she didn't hear it and after a couple of seconds it became bolder and that was when Lena finally went to open the door.  
The two women walked up silently to the living room and the kryptonian could smell the sweet scent of a good old whiskey on Lena's lips.  
"Lena... are you okay?" - The sweet voice of the young, blonde reporter who was now also her subordinate sounded worried.  
"Not really Kara. But I needed to see you tonight."  
It was already too late in the evening, but the good thing about the Saturdays is that people usually stayed up until late anyway.  
"Remember when last week you called me sister? I should've told you back then, but... I was afraid and didn't want to lose you, but I can't repeat the same mistake again. I'm not that strong."  
"Lena, I don't..." - Kara tried to talk, but her friend was having none of it.  
"I don't want to be your sister Kara. I'm not interested in being your sister. I want to kiss you and hold you like a so much more. I don't want to continue tip-toeing that lime with you anymore. I liked you before I bought Catco, so your rejection wouldn't jeopardize your career. I'd never do that. I liked you from that first day you entered my office as a "tag along". I liked you even before I found out you were Supergirl and I'm certainly not interested in being your sister." - Lena finished and even with a tear falling from her eye, she kept looking at Kara. Kept waiting for her to say something, anything.  
The few seconds Kara thought of her reply, Lena's mind kept repeating the same mantra from before...

 _Caurage, dear heart_...

  
"Thank Rao!" - Sighed Kara with a smile and quickly shortened the distance between them, finally kissing Lena. Letting their lips play against the other and hands roam freely.  
They had so much things to talk about as a couple and Lena had so much stuff to figure out. She knew that in the morning Kara will ask her about what had happened tonight, but that was a discussion for tomorrow. Tonight she finally got the courage to speak what her heart was screaming all along and tonight she got to fall asleep between Kara's strong embrace and sweet kisses that started healing where it hurt most.

 


End file.
